Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize