carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When did angry sex become our thing?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
