Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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