dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
