I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
