I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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