Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
