i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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