ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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