No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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