Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
