wrigley field is MILF paradise
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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