just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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