well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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