To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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