remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
