I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
