All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
