I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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