I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
