he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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