If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
