Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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