I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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