im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
