i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
