I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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