If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize