You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
