having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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