I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
