so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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