I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
