Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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