I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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