so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
