don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
