At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
