it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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