in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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