Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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