My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
