Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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