He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
