I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
