I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
