Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
