loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
