my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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