PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
