i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
