no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
