glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
