i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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