there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
