yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
