Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize