My first STD was from a foam party
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
