I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
