I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize