I have demons in me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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