we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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