wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
tell your sister to shave her snatch
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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