Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize