just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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