i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
