Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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