I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
