I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
All I want is dick and wine.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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